


What Are Friends For?

by PierceTheFade



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-24 06:29:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9708050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PierceTheFade/pseuds/PierceTheFade
Summary: Josh is in love with Chris. It may take him years to realize it, but it only takes one day to change everything between them.





	

Josh’s feelings for Chris crept up on him. It started off as a tiny crush that developed sometime during the end of elementary school. It started with little flutters in his stomach every time Josh would stare at the back of Chris’s head in class. The times when Josh would feel his skin light up every time their bodies casually touched and he would simultaneously hope and dread that it would happen again. At first he could just play it off as him being a hormonal kid whose body was going haywire because of puberty. That was before the ugly feelings of jealousy began mingling with the nerves and anxiety.

Josh had known rationally that Chris had other friends than Josh, but seeing him acting close with others caused a heavy feeling to coil in his chest. It was worse when they got older and Chris grew into his body more. Chris’s body was so different from Josh’s – he had muscle and a little bit of pudge in places Josh didn’t, and there was something about it that caused desire to surge through Josh every time he caught a flash of pale skin. 

Every time that someone else would touch Chris, whether it was a casual hand on the shoulder or a playful clap on the back, Josh would feel those ugly feelings cloud his thoughts. It didn’t take long for him to realize what those feelings were. Jealousy.

Somehow, that realization changed things. It made Josh think about the what he’d been experiencing, and it was around the first year of high school that he realized that the feelings he harboured were more than just friendship. He’d been terrified when it dawned upon him. He never kept anything from Chris, and he was worried than the blond boy would know his feelings as soon as he looked into Josh’s eyes. Thankfully, that wasn’t the case.

Josh embraced the act of suppressing his feelings. He was happy to have Chris as his friend. He wouldn’t risk their friendship just because of a stupid crush. Things went back to normal for a while. Josh and Chris hung out just like they had before, and Chris was none the wiser about the internal conflict Josh experienced every time they were together.

Their relationship reached a comfortable point where their bantering would often take a flirtatious tone, and Josh was both grateful and spiteful of it. It gave him an opportunity to vent some of the emotions he had, but it was also frustrating how he knew Chris was only joking, and Chris assumed that he was as well.

This was around the time when Josh tried to distract himself enough that his feelings for Chris weren’t as all-consuming as they were. He didn’t really care who it was, just as long as they were able to distract him from Chris. At first, some part of Josh had hoped that seeing him with someone else would unleash some hidden feelings buried inside of Chris. Contrary to this, Chris had been more than supportive in each of the relationships he entered, and that had hurt more than he thought it would. Still, the relationships offered him a minor distraction, and soon it had become a running joke among their friends about how Josh couldn’t (or wouldn’t) keep a relationship for more than a month. It didn’t matter to Josh. He didn’t care what _they_ thought, the only people whose opinions mattered were his sisters, Sam, and Chris, and none of them seemed to care about who he dated.

Well, that wasn’t really true. Sam, Hannah, and Beth hadn’t been entirely supportive of his relationship choices, but that was only because they knew the real reason he was constantly in and out of relationships. He had tried hiding it from them, simply because he didn’t want anyone knowing how he felt about Chris, but there was only so much he could keep to himself. He had actively chosen to tell his sisters, and Sam had simply figured it out after being around Josh and Chris so much over the years.

Despite all of this, his friendship with Chris remained strong and he was able to keep his feelings to himself for the most part. Things were okay, or at least manageable. That was before _she_ came into the picture.

Josh knew things would change as soon as they met Ashley. Chris had plenty of female friends (many of them introduced to him by Josh), but there was something different about the way he looked at Ashley. At first Josh tried to ignore it, silently hoping that he was just overthinking it and that it wasn’t what he thought it was. That, however, was wishful thinking.

The times that they would spend in the library together for Chris to actually get work done (since they didn’t get anything accomplished when they went to each others’ houses) suddenly had one extra person along with them. Despite the fact that they went to the library to work, Josh was all-too aware of the fact that most of the time, Chris’s attention was on a certain blonde-haired girl and definitely not on any of his textbooks.

It was painful watching Chris and Ashley tiptoe around the feelings that were obviously reciprocated. It took months for Josh to finally force himself to bring it up. He and Josh had been hanging out in Josh’s bedroom playing video games, although Josh had been playing on auto-pilot. He barely registered the flashing lights of the screen or the sounds of whatever game he had chosen for them to play. He had turned the words over and over in his mouth for so long that they were _almost_ completely smooth when he finally gritted them out.

“So, what do you think of Ashley?”

Chris had fumbled the controller so hard that Josh had actually won, despite the fact that his eyes were on Chris, not the TV.

“She’s okay.” Chris cleared his throat. “Why do you ask?”

“Because it’s painfully obvious that you’ve got a thing for her.” Josh couldn’t stand looking at Chris anymore. He shifted his attention to the TV, ignoring the silence that followed. He counted each second that passed, each time praying that maybe he was wrong, maybe he had misinterpreted the signs and Chris would prove him wrong.

“…it’s that obvious?” Chris asked quietly. Josh’s chest tightened and he bit his lip between the inside of his cheek.

“I’m your best friend Chris, I’m not going to miss something like that.” Josh muttered.

Chris was silent for a moment, then spoke up, “What should I do?”

Josh sighed and paused the game. He rested his arm over his leg and leaned back against the foot of the bedframe behind him. He could hear the uncertainty in Chris’s voice, and a dark part of himself contemplated giving him shitty advice just to stomp and possibilities of a relationship between the two.

 _Don’t be such an asshole. This is Chris._ Josh chided himself and he closed his eyes. He had promised himself that he would be satisfied with what he had. What he felt didn’t matter as much as Chris’s happiness did. He told himself this, ignoring voice in his head telling him otherwise.

“That depends on what you want from her. Do you want a relationship?” Josh asked, finally opening his eyes and forcing himself to look at Chris. The blonde boy was staring at his lap, but Josh could still see the faint red blush of his cheeks that faintly brushed the tip of his ear.

“I guess. I mean, I don’t want a casual, meaningless thing, you know? I like her, and I think I want it to go somewhere.” Chris rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment. “I’m just not sure what to do about this sort of thing. I’m not as experienced as you are.”

Josh pressed his lips together into a tight line and nodded. He knew it wasn’t meant to be a jab, but it still felt like one nonetheless. Swallowing all of the words he _wished_ he could say, Josh forced himself to smile and scooted over to sit be Chris.

“Well, lucky for you Cochise, you’ve got the relationship guru at your service.” Josh wondered if his voice was as overly chipper as it sounded in his own ears. Chris smiled gratefully, and Josh assumed that he sounded no different than usual. “So it shouldn’t be too hard to ask her out since she’s definitely got a thing for you.”

“What? Are you sure?” Chris raised his eyebrow questioningly and Josh rolled his eyes.

“ _Duh_. Open your eyes, man.” _Yeah, open them_. “Anyway, as I was saying…” Each and every word that came from his mouth burned, and by the time they were finished, Josh felt sick to his stomach. “So, do all that, and you guys will be an item for sure.”

Chris smiled gratefully and reached over to give Josh a one-armed hug. “Thanks Josh, I appreciate this.”

“Of course man, what are friends for?” Josh forced out, trying to keep his voice level and ignore burning behind his eyes. Josh couldn’t bring himself to look at Chris again that day until he left, and even then he could barely look him in the eye. It was only until Chris was gone that he let his mask fall and locked himself in his room to wallow in self-hatred and jealousy.

It was a week later when Josh sat in the living room watching horror movies with Sam, Chris and Ashley. Josh had been trying to ignore how close Chris and Ashley were sitting together, and in the darkness of the room, Josh was barely able to see how Chris’s hand slowly closed around Ashley’s, their fingers intertwining together. Josh felt a lump settle in his throat, and he quietly excused himself from the room to grab something from his room.

He heard a pair of footsteps behind him. He knew it was stupid to get it hopes up, but a small part of him was stupid enough to entertain the idea of if it was Chris. It was only once he was in his room that he turned to see that it was Sam that had followed him. Josh had prepared for the disappointment of it not being Chris, but it still stung a little when the blonde head of hair he saw was that of Sam, not Chris.

She looked at him knowingly and said softly, “I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

Josh sighed and smiled bitterly. “Well, good for them, huh? They’ve been dancing around it long enough.” Josh’s voice cracked halfway through, and Sam’s arms were suddenly around him.

“It’s okay. Let it out.” Sam whispered and tightened her hold around him. Josh could feel his eyes burning, and he hunched over to bury his face in her hair as a choked sob tore itself from his mouth. She stroked his hair soothingly, feeling Josh shake as sobs wracked his body.

“Sam, I’m in love with him.” Josh whispered in a watery voice. He didn’t know when his feelings had gone from just liking Chris to loving him, but saying it out loud made him realize that the feelings he’d tried to stomp away had only grown over the years.

“I know.” She sighed in sympathy.

Neither of them kept track of how long they stood there. They only pulled away when Josh’s body stopped shaking and his throat was raw from crying.

“Fuck, I probably look like shit.” Josh rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hand and cursed under his breath.

Sam cracked open the bedroom door and poked her head out of the room. “It’s alright, the movie is still going. It’ll be too dark for them to see you, but if you wanna stay up here longer, that’s fine too.”

“No, I’m fine.” Josh cleared his throat and shook his head. “Thanks Sam, for this.” Josh offered a strained smile, placing his hand on top of Sam’s head as he passed her. Sure enough, a new movie was playing as he and Sam returned to the living room.

The darkness offered a cover for Josh that he was more than thankful for. He returned to his spot on the couch and Sam settled beside him. She rested her body against Josh’s and leaned over close enough so that she could whisper in his ear, “I’m always here if you need someone to talk to, okay?”

“Thanks Sammy.” Josh mumbled gratefully and pressed a kiss to the side of her head. He didn’t know what he would have done without Sam all of these years. At first he had been afraid to tell her about his feelings for Chris, but out of the three people that knew of his secret, she had been the most supportive of him. She always made time to talk to him through the tough times, and there had been plenty of those every since Josh became aware of Chris’s feelings for Ashley.

Despite the darkness of the room, as the movie went on, Josh could feel a pair of eyes on him. After a moment of hesitation, he glanced out of the corner of his eye and saw that it was Chris that was staring at him. Their eyes met for a second, and Josh quickly averted his gaze back to the TV screen. The arm he had wrapped around Sam tightened slightly, and he pointedly avoided looking at Chris for the remainder of the movie.

Sam yawned and sat up as the credits for the movie scrolled across the TV screen. Josh stretched his arm over his head, trying to get some feeling back in the one Sam had been leaning against.

“That was a good movie, I can’t believe I’d never seen it before now.” Ashley said cheerily, and Josh chided the part of himself that hated hearing her voice.

“It’s a classic horror movie. Everyone should see Psycho at least once in their life.” Josh said as casually as he could. Whether he liked it or not, Ashley was an important part of Chris’s life. Josh owed it to Chris to at least be civil to her. “Do you guys wanna watch another one?”

“I should get going, I’ve got a math test to study for.” Ashley announced.

“Yeah, I’ve gotta get home too.” Sam said and ruffled Josh’s hair.

“Are you okay to leave now Chris?” Ashley glanced at a distracted Chris.

“Huh?” Chris replied, tearing his eyes away from Josh to look at Ashley. “Oh – well, I drove you, so yeah. If you want to go now that’s fine.”

“M’kay. I’ll see you guys later.” Josh drawled and stretched his legs across the couch. He grabbed the remote and mindlessly flicked through the different channels, having no intent on watching them once everyone left.

Sam glanced at Josh and frowned sadly. She knew how much Josh was hurting, but she also knew that there was only so much she could do for him. Josh wasn’t one to talk about his feelings, but leaving him alone when he was like this wasn’t something she wanted to do.

“I can drive Ash home. She lives closer to me than you anyway.” Sam offered, noticing how Josh stiffened where he lay on the couch.

Chris shook his head. “No, I couldn’t ask you to do that. I appreciate the offer though.”

“I don’t mind, it’s on the way to my place anyway.” Sam shrugged.

“It’s fine Chris. If you wanna stay longer that’s okay.” Ashley said.

“Are you sure?” Chris asked. Josh’s eyes widened slightly, surprised that Chris would want to hang around longer rather than spend more time with Ashley.

“Of course. Have fun.” Ashley reassured him and squeezed Chris’s hand before releasing it. 

“Alright.” Chris nodded slightly and offered Sam a grateful smile. “Thanks Sam.”

“No problem Chris. ‘Night Josh.” Sam saluted lazily and linked her arm with Ashley’s as she led them out of the house. Josh listened to the sound of their footsteps retreating from the living room, followed by the sound of the door closing.

Silence fell upon the room, and Josh was hyperaware of Chris’s presence in the room. Chris stared at the doorway the girls had disappeared from, then settled his eyes on Josh’s form on the couch. The dark-haired male’s eyes were focused on the TV screen, the only source of light in the room. Chris hesitated before sitting down on the spare patch of the couch by Josh’s feet. Josh pulled his legs towards himself, leaving plenty of room between him and Chris.

Chris frowned slightly, watching how Josh tucked himself away from him. Usually Josh would just let his legs rest over Chris’s, blatantly shying away from contact wasn’t something he had done much until recently. “Are you alright man?”

“I’m fine.” Josh replied, not looking away from the TV.

Chris furrowed his eyebrow, not convinced. “You seem off.”

“I told you, I’m fine.” Josh insisted, his hand tightening around the remote.

“Did something happen between you and Sam?” Chris asked, feeling relieved after finally asking what he’d wanted to ever since Josh and Sam had disappeared halfway between the first movie.

“ _What?_ ” Josh asked in shock, finally looking at Chris. “What do you mean ‘something’?”

“You know what I mean.” Chris said.

“Fine, I know what you mean, but _no_. God no. This is _Sam_. You know she’s not into that kind of thing.” Josh said emphatically, not believing that it was an actual conversation that they were having. “Why would you even think that?”

“You’ve been acting weird ever since you two went upstairs.” Chris explained, then grabbed the remote for the lights off of the table and turned them on.

Josh hissed at the sudden brightness and covered his eyes with his hand. “Fuck Chris! Warn a guy!”

Chris stared at Josh and tilted his head to the side, narrowing his eyes slightly. “Why are your eyes red?”

“Maybe because you suddenly turned the lights on after we’ve ben sitting in the dark for God knows how long?” Josh hissed and turned on his side so that Chris couldn’t see his face.

“Your eyes don’t turn red because of that.” Chris replied. He rested one hand against the back of the couch for support as he leaned towards Josh, trying to meet his gaze.

“Just let it go Chris.”

“Why won’t you look me in the eye?” Chris reached out and gently grasped Josh’s chin, forcing him to meet his gaze. Josh gasped as his eyes met Chris’s blue ones, his entire body stiffening as the blonde boy stared at him intently. “Your eyes _are_ red. What happened?”

 _Push him away. You need to put some distance between you two_. The rational part of Josh’s brain told him this, but Josh’s attention had been captured by Chris’s gaze. _This is the closest I’ve been to him in a long time_. 

“Josh, what happened?”

Hearing Chris’s voice snapped Josh back to reality and he quickly brushed Chris’s hand away and sat up. “It’s nothing, really.”

Chris felt his chest tighten. Josh never tried to push him away, and he never thought that it would _hurt_ this much if he did. “Josh, what the fuck is going on?” Chris couldn’t keep the hurt out of his voice, and the sound of it almost made Josh wince. Josh never, _never_ wanted to be the one to hurt Chris, and staring into the wounded eyes of his best friend – the person he _loved_ – it was just too much.

Josh thought he could be satisfied with just being Chris’s friend, but he was wrong. He couldn’t watch Chris fall in love with someone else. He couldn’t watch him grow distant as Josh became less and less important in his life compared to the person that _he_ was in love with. Josh felt his resolve crumble. He knew that he would regret it as soon as he did it, but at that moment, he just didn’t care. All he could feel was longing and agony, and even if doing made him feel immensely worse, the thought of self destruction wasn’t enough to stop him.

Josh reached up and cupped Chris’s cheeks. The faint lining of stubble along his jaw scrapped his hands, and Josh was happy for it, for it gave him something to ground him in the moment. Confusion filled Chris’s eyes, but he didn’t pull away from Josh’s hold.

“Josh…?”

“Just hate me and make this easier, okay?” Josh whispered quietly and lifted himself to press his lips against Chris’s.

It was everything Josh had ever dreamed of. It was years of friendship and pining. It was countless sleepless nights wondering if the next day he would finally have the courage to tell Chris how he felt. It was soft and warm and everything Josh wished he could have but couldn’t.

Chris stiffened in Josh’s hands, and Josh could feel tears building up behind his closed eyelids. He allowed himself to enjoy one final second of the kiss before he pulled away, immediately missing the feeling of Chris’s mouth against his. Josh exhaled softly, giving himself another second to savor the moment before he opened his eyes. He wasn’t surprised by Chris’s shocked expression and, quite frankly, he was thankful that he hasn’t punched him out or anything.

“I’m sorry if that made you uncomfortable.” Josh’s voice was barely a whisper. “I just – I needed to do that once. Just once.” He let his hands fall from Chris’s face and averted his gaze fresh tears slipped down his cheeks.

Despite the jumbled mess of thoughts filling his head, Chris couldn’t bring himself to say anything as Josh slipped away from him. His lips tingled and his cheeks felt hot from where Josh touched them. His entire body was on fire, and yet he was unable to do anything but stand as still as a statue

“You know where the spare key is. Could you just slip it back under the plant pot after you lock the door?” Josh’s voice sounded far away, and there was a lifeless, defeated tone to it that Chris _hated_.

“Josh-”

“Chris, don’t.” Josh interrupted and clenched his hand around the railing of the stairs. “I know I fucked up. You can chew me out about it later. Just…not tonight. Please.” Josh begged desperately.

Chris stared down at the floor. He pressed his lips together, urging himself to say something, _anything_ to make Josh turn around. He just didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t focus his thoughts on anything more than _Josh_. And honestly, he was afraid. The things he was feeling – these were things he’d never felt, at least not like this. He had never thought that Josh felt anything like that for him, and the fact that he had been oblivious of feelings that Josh had obviously harbored for a long time made him feel like the worst kind of person. Chris nodded silently and watched as Josh disappeared upstairs.

Josh made his way to his room, his footfalls as heavy as his heart was. He slipped into his room and burrowed himself under the covers, not bothering to change out of his clothes. He listened to the sound of the door opening, closing, and then finally locking. He sighed and turned onto his side, looking out the window at the black sky.

Chris wasn’t the type to blab about stuff to others, so Josh was thankful that this was likely to stay just between them or whoever he told. Well, Chris might tell Ashley, which made Josh feel sick to his stomach, but it was the price he had to pay for finally doing what he’d wanted to for years.

He didn’t regret what he did. He realized that at some point he was going to reach his limit, and it was better to reach it now rather than later. What he _did_ regret was how it was going to change their relationship. Despite the dread he felt about the inevitable conversation he would have with Chris, he could still remember the feeling of Chris’s lips against his. Josh closed his eyes, trying to bring himself back to that moment when he suddenly felt the bed dip in front of him.

“How long?” Josh froze at the sound of Chris’s voice and his eyes shot open to see Chris standing over his bed, one arm resting in front of where Josh lay.

“…what?” Josh blinked, for once surprised by Chris’s presence in his room.

“How long have you wanted to do that?” Chris asked, his gaze unwavering.

Josh rolled over so that he was lying on his back and stared at the ceiling of his room. “Years.”

Chris sagged and rested his forehead against Josh’s shoulder. “You never said anything.”

“What was I supposed to say?” Josh asked, forcing himself to stare at the ceiling fan.

Chris didn’t say anything as he raised his head up to look at Josh. “When did it start?”

“I don’t remember. A long time ago.”

“You felt that way, but you still tried hooking me up with Ashley. Why?”

“Because I thought it would make you happy, alright?” Josh sighed and stared at Chris. “And it did, didn’t it? You two looked real fucking swell today. Thanks for telling me, by the way.” He said bitterly.

Chris’s eyes widened slightly. “Is that why you’ve been acting weird today?”

“Of course it is! I saw you two sitting all lovey-dovey and shit. Why the fuck wouldn’t you tell me Chris? I thought we were friends!” Josh yelled, thankful than none of his family was home.

“We _are_ friends Josh, and we’re not – it’s not like that.” Chris sighed and flinched when Josh’s gaze snapped to him, fury in his eyes.

“Really, then what is it Chris? And why the fuck was I not good enough to tell?” Josh sat up, anger beginning to simmer under his skin.

“I didn’t tell you because we don’t know what we are, okay?” Chris said calmingly and rubbed the back of his neck. “Ashley isn’t sure about whether or not she’s into guys. She wanted to try it out, something…experimental, you know? She made it clear that that’s all it was going to be, at least until she figured herself out more.”

“So, you’re her guinea pig?” Josh’s eyes narrowed and he felt some of his anger subside. “But you said you wanted something serious with her, didn’t you?”

“Initially, yeah. The longer we we’re…going out, the more I began to realize that things didn’t feel right, at least not between us. I was planning on ending it pretty soon.”

“You guys were holding hands during the movie.” Josh raised his eyebrow.

“You and Sam hold hands sometimes.” Chris countered.

“I haven’t been pining over Sam.”

“I don’t know why we were holding hands. I didn’t think it was such a big deal that I needed to analyze it.” Chris admitted. “I’m sorry that it hurt you.”

“I’m sorry things didn’t work out with Ashley.” Josh muttered, not entirely meaning it.

“I doubt that.” Chris scoffed and offered a faint smile.

Josh snorted. “Yeah. Well, I would have been happy for you. Eventually.” He glanced at Chris, forcing his eyes to look away from Chris’s lips. It was a struggle to not reach out to Chris when he was so close, but Josh knew he had to be careful. He was thankful (and surprised) that Chris had been as calm as he had been about the kiss.

“You know,” Josh cleared his throat, not really wanting to bring it up after it had become somewhat comfortable between them, “You’re being surprisingly chill about what I did.”

“What?” Chris asked, then flushed when realization dawned upon him. “Oh. That.”

“Yeah.” Josh tangled his fist in the bed covers and pursed his lips. “Look, I’m not going to say I’m sorry about doing it, because I’m not.”

“I don’t want you to be sorry.”

“What?”

“I wasn’t going to hate you just for doing that.” Chris reached forward and took Josh’s hand in his, gently easing the tangled sheets out of his fingers. “I don’t think there’s anything you could do that would make me hate you.” He said softly and brushed his thumb over the back of Josh’s hand.

Josh chewed his bottom lip and hung his head. “Chris, I can’t do this.”

“What do you mean?” Chris’s hand froze.

Josh frowned and stared at where their hands were connected. “It hurts too much to be this close to you. You have no idea what I’m feeling…what I want to do. I can’t do _this_ -” Josh pointedly stared at their hands, “Not when I can only be your friend.” Josh stated and began to loosen their hands.

 _“No_. _”_ Chris quickly tightened his own grip and used his free hand to cup Josh’s face. Josh’s eyes widened in surprise when he saw the longing in Chris’s eyes as he rested their foreheads together. “Please. Tell me what you’re feeling. Tell me what you want to do. Tell me everything, just don’t shut me out.”

“Chris.” Josh whispered tightly as he felt Chris’s stubble brush his cheek.

Chris’s heart was hammering in his chest. He’d never done anything like this before, but in that moment he knew one thing: his feelings for Josh weren’t what he initially thought they were. Desire was coiling in his stomach, and he felt an unfamiliar pull gravitating him towards Josh.

“I’ve never felt what I did when you kissed me before.” Chris admitted quietly and nosed at the juncture between Josh’s shoulder and neck.

Josh felt his skin prickle as a shiver ran through his body. He grabbed Chris’s shirt collar, pulling him so that he was straddling Josh on either side of his hips. “Me neither.”

“Josh.” Chris’s voice was serious and he pulled away enough to look Josh in the eye. “I’m not screwing around. This isn’t a game I’m willing to play. You know that.”

“I know. Me neither, not with you.” Chris’s eyes softened and he brushed Josh’s hair away from his face. Their faces hovered in front of one another, each staring at each other in question and Josh sighed in frustration before wrapping his arms around Chris’s neck. “Just fucking kiss me, damn it.”

Despite the impatience in his tone, there was an edge of uncertainty in it that made Chris realize that Josh wanted, no, _needed_ to be shown that Chris actually desired this from him. Not wasting another moment, Chris titled Josh’s head up and pressed their mouths together. Josh moaned against Chris’s lips and moved one hand to tangle it in Chris’s blonde locks. Chris felt Josh’s tongue run along his bottom lip and his blood was suddenly on fire. He didn’t hesitate to deepen the kiss, feeling Josh shudder against him and desperately pull him closer until Chris’s weight was settled fully on him and Chris’s arms were resting on the bed on either side Josh’s head.

“Chris.” Josh breathed into the kiss, and then Chris’s lips were gone, suddenly peppering feather-light kisses across Josh’s jaw and down his neck. Josh arched underneath him, accidentally tugging some of Chris’s hair clutched in his hand and causing the blonde man to stiffen against him with a deep groan.

“Josh, fuck.” Chris hissed, and then there was teeth and biting and Josh immediately hated the sheets that separated Chris’s body from his. Josh squeezed Chris’s arms gently, his nails digging into him harder than he intended when Chris suddenly began sucking on a certain spot on his neck.

“Shit!” Josh exclaimed and bucked up frantically against Chris’s body above him. “Cochise. Chris. Chris. Wait, wait.”

Chris froze, immediately pulling away with a guilty look on his face. “Shit sorry, did I go to far?”

“Fuck no.” Josh replied breathlessly and tried to calm his racing heartbeat. This was the stuff Josh’s dreams were made of (the tamer ones), and as much as he’d like to go even further, he didn’t feel right about having them move too fast. “I want to do more. Shit, trust me I do. Just not now, not when this is so new. Is that okay?” Josh stroked Chris’s cheek gently and a gently smile spread across Chris’s face.

“Of course. We don’t have to rush into anything.” Chris leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to Josh’s forehead. He looked down at Josh’s frazzled appearance and felt a sense of satisfaction seeing what he did to him. He glanced at the clock beside Josh’s bed and sighed when he saw the time. “Damn, it’s late. My mom is going to freak.”

“Just call and tell her you’re staying over.” Josh shrugged and wrapped his arms around Chris, pulling him down onto the bed beside him.

“Are you sure?”

Josh rolled his eyes. “How many times have you stayed over before?”

“How many times have I kissed you before staying over?” Chris countered with a raised eyebrow.

Josh smirked and grabbed his cell phone from the bedside table. “Not sure, you better start keeping track.”

Chris scoffed and took the phone, pulling Josh into another kiss before dialing the phone. A pleased smile spread across Josh’s face and he played with Chris’s hair as he talked on the phone. Once finished, Chris handed the phone back to Josh settled underneath the covers beside him. Josh stroked Chris’s cheek, a dazed look on his face as he looked at Chris.

“What?” Chris asked, smiling faintly.

“I just can’t believe you’re actually here.” Josh whispered and scooted forward so that he was pressed up against Chris’s chest. “I mean, I thought about it before, I just never thought it would actually happen.”

Chris frowned at the dejected tone of Josh’s voice and wrapped his arms protectively around him. “Well, I am, and I’ll be here when you wake up as well.” Chris reassured him and felt Josh relax against him.

“Sleep well Chris.” Josh sighed sleepily.

“You too Josh.” Chris replied and closed his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This turned out a bit angstier than I thought it would (it was originally going to be a fluffy Valentine's day fic!) Anyway, I hope you like it!


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